Looking For A Way To Celebrate Tiger's Return?

If you're like most people (and I hope you are, conformity is a highly underrated quality), you should be unbelievably excited for the Return of The Tiger!!

Apparently Tiger Woods, the golfer - in case you were confused, will be returning to action tomorrow in the Accenture World Golf Championship.

Here's the proof...from the mouth of god himself



I'm guessing by all the hype that nobody in any sport has ever returned from any injury even remotely as grotesque as his....

Ok, ok...so he did play in the U.S Open last summer against doctors orders with four stress-fractures in his leg and a torn ACL...and he did kinda win the whole tournament while agony would shoot across his face after every swing...and he did kinda do it in five rounds, needing a Monday 18-hole playoff to decide the title...and maybe people have actually started realizing again that without Tiger, golf on TV really is akin to watching 80 fat old men take a walk in the park while breaking, albeit briefly, to gyrate in very unnatural ways.

So in that spirit I'm gonna assume you're going to skip work tomorrow to watch Tiger play his first professional round of golf in eight months and presumably, save the world. And while you're doing that, you'll need something to commemorate the occasion.

May I suggest this


What's this, you ask? No, not any ordinary bottle of Gatorade....Tiger Woods' empty bottle of Gatorade. Supposedly drank from during Tiger's 2007 PGA Championship victory, this empty DNA carrying vessel can be yours for the low-low, buy-now price of $25,000.

Ever wanted to smell Tiger's saliva? Have you considered making a clone? Then this item is for you!!

There's no better way to watch Tiger demolish some little known Aussie named Brendan Woods in the match play event beginning tomorrow, than by holding a little Tiger (and if you take my advice about the cloning, you might ACTUALLY be holding a little Tiger) in your hands.

Say what you want about a recession, if this doesn't prove capitalism and free-market economy lives strong, I don't know what will.